Symptoms of anxiety and depression in children

Anxiety and depression are not just adult problems. Unfortunately, psychological difficulties are increasingly common in children too, they just may manifest themselves differently to adults. Recognising and understanding them early is the key to helping your child. However, it is important to recognise whether it is normal anxiety or developing depression and act accordingly. The key is to keep a cool head and not panic. We can advise you on how to recognise the signs of anxiety and depression and what to do next.

Symptoms of anxiety in children

Anxiety is a normal part of development, but if it is too frequent, severe or crippling, it deserves attention. Anxiety itself is not dangerous; it usually signals upcoming events and the resulting childhood fears.

Typical manifestations of anxiety:

• Frequent worry ("What if something happens? ")

• Fear of being separated from parents (even later in life)

• Avoidance of school or social situations

• Physical problems without obvious cause (stomach pain, headaches, nausea)

• Sleep problems (fears, nightmares, Insomnia)

• Unusual tearfulness or irritability

• Perfectionism and great fear of failure

Symptoms of depression in children

Depression in children often does not act ‘typically’ as sadness in adults, but may be hidden behind behavioural changes.

Warning signs of depression:

• Loss of interest in previously favorite activities (games, sports, friends)

• Prolonged irritability or withdrawn mood

• Fatigue, apathy, low energy

• Frequent complaints of physical pain (headache, stomach)

• Concentration problems, impaired school performance

• Changes in appetite and sleep (overeating/unappetite, insomnia/excessive sleeping)

• Self-evaluation: ‘I'm useless’, ‘It's all my fault’

• Sometimes even thoughts of self-harm or death - at this point it is absolutely necessary to seek professional help, this situation cannot be solved at home

• Deterioration of family relationships

• General, sometimes even complete loss of interest in peers

Examples of manifestations of anxiety and depression in children in everyday life

To help you imagine the situations better, we have prepared some examples of how anxiety and depression can manifest themselves.

School-related anxiety can take the following form: Little Anne is afraid to go to school. In the morning she often has a tummy ache and cries that no one likes her. In the evening she cannot sleep because she is afraid of what will happen if she “messes up”.

Example of possible depression: ten-year-old Tomas has stopped going out, he no longer enjoys playing on the computer. He is often angry, argues with his parents, doesn't want to eat and has got worse at school.

Of course, individual situations may differ.

What to do if you recognize signs of anxiety or depression in your child?

The following general advice helps you to identify what you are dealing with and how to deal with the situation. Every child reacts differently to situations, so don't try to fit them into a pattern. It is always safest to consult a professional who will assess the child individually and evaluate how to deal with any problem.

Notice changes in behaviour

If a child is not himself for a long time, this is a reason to stop and start looking for where the problem might be.

Give him or her a safe space to talk

Children often can't describe their feelings. Like many adults, they often don't talk about their feelings, or only during stressful situations. And because a child doesn't normally have anyone to learn this from, he or she acts similarly. Therefore, help them by listening to them without judgment. Having an open and kind conversation is the first step in making a child feel that they are not alone in their feelings. Sometimes they are ashamed or afraid that they have done something wrong. That's why the way you ask and respond is important. Even children of parents who try to guide the child to share feelings may not always be able to name their feelings or explain why they are behaving the way they are. Adults should be supportive and try to name the problem and find the cause.

Basic rules:

• Create a safe space: choose a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. The child must feel safe, otherwise he will not open up.

• Ask gently and without pressure: Start subtly, calmly through sharing your own feelings: "You seem to be sadder lately. Sometimes I have hard days, too. Do you want to tell me about it?"

• Don't judge or ridicule: Avoid phrases like, ‘It's nothing.’ ‘You'll grow out of it.’ ‘That's not how kids feel.’ To a child, his feelings are real, whether they seem adequate to you or not.

• Try to put yourself in the child's shoes: really think about the situation from your child's point of view, try to empathize with what he or she may be experiencing, try to answer why he or she is behaving this way, or at least why you would behave this way.

Give your child time to process his or her feelings

Some children will respond immediately, others need a few days to find the appropriate words. So be patient.

If your child is reluctant to talk, one of the following sentences may help:

"I noticed that you are upset. Is that so?"

"I'm here for you. You can tell me everything you have to say."

"I understand that this can be difficult. Together, we'll get through this."

‘It's okay to feel sad or scared sometimes.’

What to watch out for in conversation:

Don't interrogate - Definitely avoid questions like, ‘Why are you so weird?’ or ‘What's still wrong with you?’

Don't underestimate feelings - Even if the problems seem ‘small’ (for example, an argument with a friend), it can be a source of great pain for the child.

If a child completely refuses to talk about their problems

Sometimes it is very hard for children to find the words. You can help them express themselves using alternative methods.

Drawing — Draw how you feel.

Role-play — For example, ‘Imagine you are someone else and say what you would advise a friend who is sad.’

Journal writing — Older children sometimes write more easily than they talk.

Children need to feel that their feelings are heard, accepted and that someone supports them. Even just a quiet conversation can often relieve and open the way to change. Support at home is therefore crucial. A kind and patient environment helps a child to feel safe. So definitely avoid phrases like ‘Get a grip!’ or ‘It will pass.’

Seek professional help

If talking hasn't helped, or hasn't clarified anything, or the core of the problem is unreachable, then a child psychologist or psychotherapist is the right choice. With early help, conditions that could persist well into adulthood can be prevented.

Both anxiety and depression can occur in children and definitely deserve understanding and attention. Responding early will help a child cope with emotions before they develop into bigger problems. Every child can go through a difficult time, but if the changes last for more than two weeks without an obvious cause (e.g. a death in the family) or if behavioural changes affect the child's normal life, it is a good idea not to delay professional help and really contact physicians as soon as possible. The full treatment can in the end include subsequent cooperation with teachers, the school or the school psychologist.