How to tell if a child is not feeling themselves
Stress is often associated with adults, workloads, and responsibilities, but in reality, children are not immune to it either. They too face demands, both at school and, surprisingly often, in their family and social relationships with peers and other children. However, stress in children often manifests itself differently than in adults and can be easily overlooked.
Early identification and support can contribute significantly to a child's mental health and long-term well-being.
How stress manifests itself in children
Of course, not all children show the same symptoms. It is important to observe your child's individual behavior and consider what is part of their normal behavior and what deviates from the norm. Also, consider whether what you consider to be normal behavior is not rather a long-term symptom that was not detected in time.
Childhood stress is not just a temporary discomfort. Long-term and unresolved stress can lead to anxiety or depression. Parents and close adults therefore play a crucial role in recognizing the first signs and creating an environment where the child feels safe and supported so that they can cope with any discomfort.
Physical manifestations of stress in children
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Stomachaches, headaches, muscle tension.
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Sleep disorders (insomnia, frequent nighttime awakenings, nightmares).
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Changes in appetite, refusal to eat, or overeating.
Emotional symptoms of stress in children
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Increased irritability, frequent crying, or tantrums.
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Anxiety, fear of separation from parents, excessive worry about school or the future.
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Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities.
Behavioral symptoms of stress
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Regression to earlier developmental behaviors, such as bedwetting or thumb sucking.
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Withdrawal, avoidance of contact with peers.
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Difficulty concentrating, decreased school performance.
Causes of childhood stress
- School: pressure to perform, tests, bullying, conflicts with teachers or classmates.
- Family: arguments between parents, divorce, high demands on the child.
- Social environment: feeling excluded from the group, change of environment, transfer to another school.
- Personal factors: perfectionism, increased sensitivity, low self-esteem.
How to prevent stress in children
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Try to maintain a stable family environment.
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Encourage a regular daily routine, set clear rules and boundaries.
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Strive for open communication as much as possible, create a safe space for sharing feelings.
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Promote a healthy lifestyle.
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Make sure your child gets enough sleep, a balanced diet, and regular exercise.
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It is also advisable to minimize excessive screen time, i.e., time spent on computers and mobile phones.
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Take a healthy approach to school. Pay attention to your child's actual abilities.
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Try to emphasize effort and hard work, not just results.
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Offer help with time management and, if necessary, homework.
What to do when stress occurs
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Try active listening: give your child space to talk and try not to interrupt them or downplay their feelings (for example, by saying "it's nothing"). It is precisely the recognition of feelings that is key.
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Offer relaxation or stress management techniques such as breathing exercises, simple mindfulness techniques, and creative activities (painting, music).
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Encourage contact with peers. Quality friendships serve as an important protective factor. It is also good to give your child free space to play with friends without too many restrictions. Excessive prohibitions create unwanted pressure, even though you may think it is for your child's own good.
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Consider seeking professional help if the difficulties persist, worsen, or interfere with normal life. It is okay to consult a child psychologist or psychotherapist. Seeking professional help is by no means a sign of weakness or poor parenting; on the contrary, it is a conscious effort to do what is best for your child.
Examples of signs of stress in children by age
Preschool age (3 to 6 years)
Signs: tearfulness, nightmares, refusal to go to preschool, deterioration in hygiene habits (e.g., bedwetting).
Example: A child who previously enjoyed going to preschool suddenly refuses to go every morning, complains of a stomachache, and cries frequently. This may be related to fear of change, such as a new teacher, less time with parents, etc.
Advice for parents: Ask openly what is happening at preschool, offer your child reassurance (e.g., the option to bring a favorite toy), and maintain a regular routine.
Younger school age (6 to 11 years)
Symptoms: headaches and stomachaches without physical cause, decline in school performance, anxiety before tests, irritability.
Example: A child who used to be active suddenly shuns the group, is sick more often, and complains of pain. In reality, they may be afraid of bullying or excessive demands.
Advice for parents: Talk about school casually and regularly, watch for signs of behavioral changes, and boost your child's self-confidence with activities other than school performance.
Puberty and adolescence (12 to 18 years)
Symptoms: irritability, frequent conflicts, escape into technology, changes in sleep patterns, neglect of hygiene, decline in interest in previously enjoyed activities.
Example: A teenager who used to be sociable stops going out, spends all day on the computer, and reacts irritably to every question. This may be a combination of stress, insecurity about their appearance, and the onset of depression.
Advice for parents: Maintain boundaries, but at the same time keep an open dialogue without pressure, respect the need for privacy, and offer support and interest.
Other reasons why a child may not be "themselves"
In addition to stress, other problems may be to blame. Before you decide to address the situation, consider all obvious and even slightly possible causes. It may not be stress, but just temporary nervousness that will disappear once it´s trigger is gone.
Physical causes: onset of illness, lack of sleep, dehydration, poor nutrition.
Family situation: parental arguments, divorce, arrival of a sibling.
School environment: bullying, overload, pressure to perform, unsatisfactory relationship with a teacher.
Social relationships: feelings of loneliness, exclusion from the group, first disappointments in friendship or love.
Major life changes: changing of residence, starting a new school, death in the family.
A child who is "under the weather" often shows it indirectly. For example, through unexplained pain, changes in behavior, or mood swings. Parents should be attentive, notice changes in their child's normal behavior, and try to look for causes in a broader context.
Parents can also help significantly just by being attentive to their child and taking their emotions seriously. A stable environment, calm communication, and space for rest and play are key. However, if stress escalates into more significant problems, it is advisable to consult a pediatrician or child psychologist.
Sources:
https://www.linkabezpeci.cz/-/jak-zvladnout-strach-a-uzkost-u-deti
https://sancedetem.cz/i-deti-mohou-mit-vazne-psychicke-problemy-jak-je-poznat
https://www.terapeuticka-klinika.cz/l/jak-rozpoznat-znamky-stresu-u-deti-a-jak-jim-pomoci/